Went to a shindig at Dewayne’s house tonight. I had a good time. I think I realized that if I could just constantly surround myself with cute gay men, I’d be happy all the time. Ginger and I had an epiphany tonight, thanks to said cute gay men, and that was a very good thing.
People asked me if I had lost weight, which also made me deliriously happy. I have lost weight. Ha HA! Yay!
The only thing that sucked about the shindig was not getting to spend time with my girl Kathy T. Sorry about that, Kathy, I had some shit I needed to talk to Ginger about. And then we had the gay men come out and surround us, and you KNOW I’m a sucker for that.
I also didn’t get to hang with the mysterious M, and that sucks too. :( So many people, so little time.
I had another epiphany tonight, too. I am fucking lonely. I know, that’s weird. I have a lot of friends, my kids are my constant shadows, etc, etc. But I’m lonely not in friends, not in family, but in romance. I have got to figure out how to fix that. It’s funny, I’m married, I shouldn’t be, but I am. Hey, other married people, did you ever have that problem? How’d you fix it?
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May 29, 2007 at 8:38 am
My thoughts, which apply for if counseling doesn’t work…
There are a lot of reasons people stay married. Financial, the kids, a hard habit to break, etc. In my situation, I was going to divorce my husband even if it meant me living on welfare for awhile. My reasons were above & beyond the “main” reason for the divorce, and the marriage would have ended anyway. When staying married is detrimental to your mental, emotional, and physical health, you need to not be tied to that person in that way any longer.
If it is not feasible to cut the tie, then I vote for living separate lives. It sucks all the way around. I’m very sorry you are going through this.
May 29, 2007 at 1:51 pm
After 20+ years of marriage, I have had times when I’ve been lonely, too. But they come and go. I’ve had times when I’ve been ready to walk out. But those times come and go, a well. For me it always comes back to the person I’m married to. I have to ask, is it him or is it other shit that’s influencing these bad feelings and hard times? 9 out of 10 times, it’s NOT him. Not him at all. So we’ve stuck together and eventually those outside influences that are negative will go away. Not that this helps…
May 29, 2007 at 3:13 pm
And, ya know, if it’s NOT him, try my handy 2-step solution. Step 1: go off by yourself for a while. A couple of days is the best, but even a few hours helps. Take the time to think about who you are. Don’t obsess about problems or other people, just get back to you. Because you can’t possibly have a romance if there’s no you to have it. Step 2: go off with him for a while. Again, just a few hours can be plenty. I wish I could say I’ve never had to try this handy dandy 2-step plan myself, but at least I can vouch for it from my own experience.
If it IS him, then what Ginger said, which is a larger version of getting back to being you.
May 29, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Huge Hugs!