I have gotten so many great responses to the stormy-weather Christian post. I’m rolling all that around in my brain and it’s not quite fully cooked yet, so I am going to write about this shit that happened tonight, instead.
Let me preface this by saying I can count on one hand the amount of times I have tipped less than 15%. 90% of the time I tip 20% or more. Just this week I left a 50% tip for a server because she rocks and I left a giant mess. So I’m not normally a shitty tipper…
But tonight I left a 10% tip. I got crappy service. Normally if I get crappy service that’s bad enough for me to consider leaving a crappy tip, I contact a manager, but this service was right on the line of being bad enough to leave a crappy tip, but not quite bad enough to contact a manager.
Any server will tell you, a woman alone with children is likely to be a crappy tipper. I know this and I usually overtip even if I didn’t get the greatest service just to prove the steretype wrong. I dunno, I just couldn’t bring myself to do that tonight. She was short with me. “What do you want to drink?” “Coke,” I said. “You want coke for these kids, too?” No, no, I didn’t.
She brought my coke back and slapped it down on the table. “What do you want?” she asked, order pad poised. See what I’m talking about? It’s nothing specifically bad. Oh! The horror of her asking me what I wanted instead of phrasing it more nicely.
I kept seeing her over at her other 2 tables- tables with men and their wives at them- she was smiling and acting all nice, but she didn’t smile at me once. Again- no biggie, but it still pissed me off. The food came, (not brought by her) and I got a refill on my drink (also not by her) and when I asked for mayo, she brought it and slapped it down the same way she had slapped my drink down.
The bill came on time. See? There’s nothing particularly *bad* here, just nothing particularly good, either. I just kept seeing her other 2 tables being treated graciously, and me getting treated brusquely. So when it came time to pay the bill, and I had $2 in ones, and the rest of my money was in $20s, and the bill was $19 and some change, I sat there for a minute thinking. I could go up to the register, (this was at Cracker Barrel) pay my bill with a $20, get change for another $20, walk all the way back to the table so I could leave a 20% tip, or I could drop 2 one dollar bills on the table and be done with it. I opted for the easy way out.
And man, I feel like shit about it. Server guilt gets me every damn time.
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January 26, 2007 at 1:57 am
Nope, quit feeling shitty about it. I am generally an overtipper (I worked in food once) and never leave less than 20% and have been known to tip 50% and almost 100% on occasions.
She didn’t deserve any more than she got from you. You played it right, you watched how she was treating others before making your decision, you didn’t make the decision in haste or without a lot of thought. I’d go so far as to say anyone who can’t make themselves say something more proper than “What do you want” is a shitty waitress, period, but who knows. I doubt she’s going to ever be successful as a waitress anyhow.
In any case, stop feeling guilty. You did exactly what you should have, you could have made it worse by calling for the manager, honestly I’d say you did her a favor by leaving her anything at all. If my brother-in-law had gotten her and been treated that way, she’d have found herself with a couple of Canadian or Brazilian coins or bills on the table or maybe a few pennies.
You did OK. Stop kicking yourself.
January 26, 2007 at 5:26 am
No need to feel shitty about it. She made a judgment about the type of customer you were (single woman/kids/shitty tipper) and treated you accordingly.
You made a judgment about the type of waitress she was and treated her accordingly.
From where I sit, you are the bigger person because you waited until she had actually done something before evaluating her. She prejudged you.
And it cost her.
January 26, 2007 at 7:27 am
I agree with the fine two women who commented before me.
I’ll tip accordingly. If someone does a great job, they get a great tip.
If they don’t do a great job and I’m “inconvenient” for them, then they don’t get one.
Don’t feel shitty. It’s your money to give at your discretion.
January 26, 2007 at 9:08 am
I agree totally, you my dear, are the better person, I might not have left anything.
January 26, 2007 at 9:23 am
Let it go. I always over-tip as well but once I got on the road and repeatedly got shitty service from more than one truck stop server/waiter/waitress (such as, asking to see my CDL before seating me, alone, in the drivers area; never once have I witnessed a man being asked the same), I stopped feeling guilty. I don’t think I’ve ever not tipped altogether but I for sure adjusted my tipping according to the service received. Like you, if I see them being polite and/or flirting and carrying on with other customers and treating me like shit they’re trying to wipe off their shoe, I can’t feel guilt for leaving 10%.
January 26, 2007 at 9:53 am
I overtip too, in restaurants and bars. I leave a buck for every cup of coffee I order in my fav. coffee shop; those kids work their butts off. I’m lenient about bad service also, knowing there are so many circumstances that the server can’t control.
But my tip makes a statement to the server. I once had a waiter that sat at the bar through my entire meal, causing me to get up and ask him for everything…when I asked him for silverware [after our meals had arrived], he pointed me to it, so that I could get it myself.
I left just enough to make him realize that I didn’t overlook him.
Your waitress was rude, and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You reap what you sow. Print out the blog and send it to her manager, I say.
January 26, 2007 at 9:58 am
Hi Ivy I am val your neighbour on the 2000 blogger links
just thought Id pop by and say HI - also that rude waitress deserves what she got - I am amazed you didnt say anything to her. We dont tip in Australia - so she would have got buckleys out of me *lol* have a great day 
January 26, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Ugh, I just realized that your 50% tip this week was probably for MY giant mess. I was so frazzled that I didn’t even think to tip extra.
January 26, 2007 at 7:09 pm
The only thing I might have done differently is to leave her a note with the tip-or a penny,the universal sign of bad service.
I waitressed for a long, long time. Moms with kids are usually good tippers, actually, especially if you ask if the kids want some oyster crackers while they’re waiting, or want their drinks in to-go cups (cuz of the lids).
If she had the perception you were going to be a bad tipper, you sort of played into her hands because I’m guessing it went right over her head that her bad tip was connected to her bad service.
January 28, 2007 at 12:44 am
Don’t feel bad. I hate it too when women are nice to all the men and rude to you. You want to say to the men “open your eyes!” but then you would appear jealous or weird.