I’ve been thinking the past few days that I need to take myself back to church. I’ve also been thinking about how I’m kind of a stormy-weather Christian- that is, when things are going fine, I tend to slack on going to church and praying; when things are bad, I want to go to church and I start praying again.
I’ve been thinking about why that might be and how I can fix it. I know if I was God, I’d be more pissed at the stormy-weather Christians than other types of Christians. (Except maybe the Christians that hate in God’s name. I think that probably makes God madder than anything, or it would if I was God, anyway)
I think the reason I am that way is because whenever I go to church, I just don’t agree with everything that is going on. See, in my eyes, God is this loving, cool guy that understands that we’re not perfect and wants to help us be better. God isn’t this guy with this big long list of “thou shalt nots”, but is a omnipotent being that has a whole lot more “thou shalts”.
When I go to church, I hear a lot more of the shit we should *not* do than the shit we *should* do. I’ve even switched churches, but I think I showed up at the wrong time- it was Methodist Begging for Money Month. I’ve been here and there since then, but I’m having a hard time with the music as well- I am not a big fan of contemporary Christian music and this particular church is filled with it. Oh, and the band leader looks exactly like this dude I cannot stand. I know that is a bunch of worldy concerns, but that’s how it is. I do like the pastor there, I ought to sit down with him and talk theology, but lately I am just not up to it.
Anyway, pray for me, if you are so inclined. It’s kind of a crappy time to be having a spiritual crisis, but there it is.
Oh, and my grandma is back in the hospital. Grr.
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January 24, 2007 at 7:31 pm
You know, this resonates with me so much I can’t stand it. It displayed so well how I think that I really can’t put it into words what I want to say other than I’m with you.
I’m sorry about your grandmother being sick again.
January 24, 2007 at 8:24 pm
I’ll be glad to pray for you but I admit fully that I haven’t clue who those prayers will reach however I do think it helps, even if you’re feeling like a bad-weather Christian.
I eschewed most, if not all, spirituality in my adult life as I’m just not real sure what, if anything, to put faith in but I found out the hard way that finding jesus/god/messiah of choice is pretty easy when you have a baby dying in the NICU. I was suddenly not just praying myself but begging prayers of others and fair-weather/bad-weather whatever that makes me, it helped. Immensely.
I hope things get better for your family.
January 24, 2007 at 8:28 pm
It’s wonderful you’re feeling the call to worship. And I agree 90% of CC music sux. And I play it!
I don’t think God is any more or less angry with stormy weather Christians. In fact, if you study Jesus’ behavior from His earthly ministry, he seemed to save his anger for religious leaders who loaded their flocks down with so many man-made rules that the Kingdom of Heaven seemed closed to them; AND for people who swindled in God’s name.
As an aside, there’s actually a Methodist church that talks about sin? Most of them have become social clubs or the “Peace and Justice” religious wing of the Democratic party (keep in mind I myself am a Methodist, so I think I have a right to call it like I see it).
I think it’s important for churches to talk about sin, but not in the way you’ve described. I think many churches could learn a lesson from Frank Capra. Jimmy Stewart once said about Capra, “Yes, he always had a happy ending, but he always made you PAY for that happy ending”. Most of his movies reached a point of despair before things turned around.
That’s why I think talking about sin is important. Praise the Lord, we’ve been saved! But…from what? I don’t feel we properly appreciate what Jesus did for us, unless we understand the alternative.
OK, off the long-winded soap box. you knew, I’d have to jump in, right?
Anyway, you’ll be on our prayer list, and your grandmother too.
January 24, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I was watching this thing on the history channel last night about the sacking of the city-state of Troy and it dawned on me that such ancient mythological beliefs seems to have greatly influenced the early Christian writers…or at least the ones that made it “in” the Bible. The early writers seemed to view God in a similar way as Zeus and his host.
Compare the perceived Christian/Hebrew method(s) of manipulation employed to “make” God change his mind, smite an enemy, etc, to that of the other early cultures of the day. What if God was nothing like this at all? What if he loved us regardless of how much we pray, what we do, where we go to church, if we go to church, etc? What if he loved us simply because he chooses to and because he delights in us because he wants to? What if all he wants is for every fiber of our being to radiate with such Love at all times as we reflect that Love onto others and choose to Love him in return…not because of what he does for us, but because we choose to?
Sorry ivy, lots of “what if’s”
January 25, 2007 at 5:47 am
When you cut off all your hair and left yourself a cueball to support a friend in need, that pretty much told me everything I needed to know about you. Don’t you know God certainly knows that, too?
If you aren’t a good Christian, than I don’t know what one is.
I DO know being a good Christian or Jew is a verb, and your actions speak very loudly.
xoxoxo
Sharon
January 25, 2007 at 7:55 am
you have the heart of a champion, Ivy, even though you (and me,and many others) share that heart with depression and other afflictions.
I’m not smart enough to know if God really loves/hates anyone more than anyone else, but I do know that if someone is telling you that you are not ‘good enough’, then God is not talking. I’m not talking about your (or my) actions, I’m talking about you.
love ya - huTch
January 25, 2007 at 8:31 am
I really think you should give my church a try. Murfreesboro First UMC. The entire pastoral staff is awesome, the congregation is freindly and nice and they have so many ways to connect. OH yeah, and there’s not a lot of the “thou shalt nots” sermons and while they’ve talked about tithing, it’s not just money. Becuase to my mind, giving my money is important, but I also feel as if giving my time, talents and other things God has given me that don’t come with a dollar sign are equally important.
You need to visit and hear Jacob Armstrong preach. He is beyond awesome.
January 25, 2007 at 11:50 am
Praying…for you and your family and grandma.
January 25, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I’ve been sort of having a similar spiritual crisis for probably going on three or four years now. I am a pretty much lapsed Episcopalian, the boyfriend is Catholic and I spent a good bit of time the first couple of years we were together learning a lot about the Catholic Church, while still trying to make my way towards being better about my own faith I grew up in. My big and continuing problem basically revolves around inaction on all levels, I’ve been sort of a “bad-weather Christian” just like you. So I don’t really have any answers but did want you to know you’re definitely not the only one.
Keeping your grandmother in thoughts and prayers, in any case. Hugs!
January 25, 2007 at 5:58 pm
I can definitely relate to being a stormy weather Christian. I bet most people are, but aren’t bold enough to admit it on the Internet.
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma.
Hang in there.
p.s. Methodist Begging for Money Month…snort!
January 26, 2007 at 5:23 am
Slarti said so well what I would say.
God is there. He loves you. You are his child. Nothing less than that.
Do you honestly think that a God who would sacrifice Himself for you would be mad at you for your pattern of church attendance?
I doubt he’s mad. I think maybe He’s sad because He misses talking to you, but not mad.
Anyway, I am–as always–praying for you.
January 26, 2007 at 9:16 am
The church itself is just a building. The people inside make it a gathering place to share, worship, or just visit. Anytime you think of God, you are conversing with him. If you are thinking you are a bad christian, that’s just the devil speaking.
Hugs and Love!