the badbadivy experience

Hi, this is Ivy’s dog, Tiny.

I hijacked the computer because there are some things you people need to know about dogs. I wish I could have hijacked a better blog than Ivy’s, but I happen to live with her, so it’s easier to hijack her blog.

Anyway, on to the list.

1. Don’t look at me when I poop. I know, I know, I look at *you* when you poop, but that’s my right. I circle around and around before I poop to make sure you aren’t looking. But you always are. That pisses me off, stop looking!

2. After I poop and I come inside, make sure there are some beds I can hide under. It’s embarassing enough that you watch me poop, but at least let me hide afterwards.

3. Eating in front of people dogs is rude if you’re not going to offer any food. That’s why I sit there and stare at you when you eat. It’s not because of your vast beauty, it’s because I want what you’ve got.

4. I try to bite all those repairmen types, because I care. I don’t care that they’re your best friend, or the minister, or whatever. They might try to hurt you, so I try to bite them. Why won’t you let me bite them?

5. Conversely, I try to bite all the hordes of children you so selfishly let into the house, because I hate children. Your children are OK, but other people’s children are not. Don’t let those brats in my house.

6. Do we really have to have those cats living here? They POOP in the HOUSE. How freakin’ rude.

By the way, the cats have something to say:

fede us. u neevr fede us enuf fud. we wil kil u wile u slepe. fede us. sumthing gud, plese. not that crapee cat fud eether. fede us toona. kthxbyee

OK, I’m back. Cats are idiots, aren’t they?